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CROSS-CULTURAL ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS.
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Examines the role language plays.... More...
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Paper Abstract:
Examines the role language plays. How language functions to affect the shape and outcome of cross-cultural dating. Social context of intercultural romance. Globalization as a part of personal relationships and social interactions. Focus on dating between a Japanese individual and an individual from another culture. Impact of language skills. References include interviews and scholarly sources.

Paper Introduction:
This research examines the role of language in cross-cultural romantic relationships. It explores how language functions to affect, for good or ill, the shape and outcome of cross-cultural dating. First the research will provide a social context in which intercultural romance is being examined. Then it will use reports from persons who have been involved in relationships with persons from cultures different from theirs in order to evaluate the impact of language skills on the relationships. Globalization is usually applied to economics and politics. However, the conduct of intercultural dating shows that globalization can also be a part of personal relationships and social interaction. Experts such as Ma and Kelsky describe intercultural romances in terms of social commentary. Ma cites the stereotype of the Western dominant man in search of the submi

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But shealso cited his western logic and her inability to communicate on the samelevel with him: "If I were a British woman it would not be a problem sinceI would try to convince him with my own logic and the fighting itself wouldhave meaning" (Trans. #39, 2 2). Personal communication, Japanese male, age 21, dating American girl in New Jersey at age 17.Transcript #39. Limited language skill can be traumatic forwestern wives who are the ones coping with day-to-day social life--shopping, schools, doctors, and the typical bureaucracy. As theemotional stakes became higher in the relationship, the problem ofeffective communication increased because "find[ing] dictionary words" toexpress feelings was so challenging. That iscompared with the fact that more western husbands communicate with Japanesewives in Japanese. (1996a). "I was made to becomeaware of my 'Japanese-ness,' and wondered a lot about how Japanese mindswork and why we are so wonderful" (Trans. You just don't understand. As he put it: "The more involved wegot, the more serious we got and the more it was more difficult, and itbecame [clear] we would have difficulty expressing our feelings in eitherJapanese or English" (Trans.#22, 2 2). Japanese wives still cope with daily survival, butbecause they speak the language they are competent to deal with doctors,schools, etc. Japanese husbands, western wives. Also, she described the Canadian'sjealousy at her having conversations (in Japanese) that excluded him, eventhough they took place in a work setting. This might reflect the man's individual psychological inability(or unwillingness) to express emotion; however, resistance to going deeplyinto the connection between language and feeling actually highlights thelinkage between emotion and communication competence. He was fluent in English, havinglived in both the US and England. This situation becomes more complicated when one isforced to communicate in a second language (English in her case) and thecommunication partner does not make a similar adjustment. (199 ). Japanese was easier to use, so there were times when I couldn't like express my really, really true feelings, so in that way I had a difficulty. Language made a difference to thewoman's experience of dating a Japanese versus foreign man. But again, language difference proved tobe the underlying problem. Global/Local: Cultural Production and the Transnational Imaginary. (2 2). In English, shemissed the nuances of communication. 234). This Japanese male's American girlfriend had informal interest in theJapanese language. Ma (1996b, p. Then it will use reports from persons who have been involved inrelationships with persons from cultures different from theirs in order toevaluate the impact of language skills on the relationships. Globalization is usually applied to economics and politics. There is no wayof verifying that claim, but he discovered that "as the relationshipprogressed further, the communication was more difficult" (Trans. The woman concluded that, though herlover thought his communication method was proper, she felt that there wassomething "wrong" with it by Japanese standards. Ma also reportsthat one wife complained that her Japanese husband would not help her learnthe language and would not want her to learn it better anyway (1996b, p.237). In other words, languageis a key to the whole culture. Deborah Tannen's famous research (199 ) into men's and women'sdifferent styles of communication shows that they can lead tomiscommunication: He engages in "report talk," while she engages in"rapport talk" to lead to emotional bonding. #39, 2 2). Unless yousay everything you're thinking, you can't communicate with foreign people"(Trans. He also compared his fluency with that ofKoreans living in the community: who never got to speak fluently because they would always be with the Korean guys, and they always talked together in the cafeteria or classroom, so the other people never bothered to talk to them because we knew they can't speak English (Trans. (2 2). No relationships described in the research transcripts werepermanent. Literally, the Japanese and the non-Japanese find that they cannot communicate. . Interviews compiled for this research do not portray marriages, whichcreate special challenges for men and women. She continued: But I don't express my feeling that much, and I could not compete with a native speaker because the subject was difficult. They spoke mainly in English, partlybecause of her fluency and partly because she was studying drama in England--but also because "when it comes to serious conversation he could notunderstand difficult [Japanese] words" (Trans. Although I lived in [an] English- speaking country for seven or eight years, Japanese was still my native language. Japanese wives, western husbands. #39, 2 2). Transcript #28 is an account of a 21-year-old Japanese male'srelationship, in New Jersey, with an American girl when he was 18 and shewas 17. Personal communication, Japanese female, dating American exchange student in Japan.Transcript #28. Transcript #37 provides the femaleperspective of a similar relationship. The critics are trying to show that yellow cabsare being socially destructive to Japanese culture. Rutland, Vermont: Charles E Tuttle Co. First the researchwill provide a social context in which intercultural romance is beingexamined. That is what happened to the Japanese woman studying inEngland. So at the middle of the fight, I always gave up and became silent. But whatever the reason thatmen and women do not understand how the other sex communicates, what isimportant is that miscues and misreading may dominate communication andthus ruin it. Thus the question becomes why. That is, she wanted to know how to say such things as "Ilove you" or "Let's go to McDonald's." When it was suggested that she usedJapanese "just to have fun," he replied: "I believe she used it when shereally wanted to say it from the bottom of her heart" (Trans. But when language problems are present, communicationcan be blocked instead of helped. However,the conduct of intercultural dating shows that globalization can also be apart of personal relationships and social interaction. Furthermore, when pushed on the issue of which language he usedwhen he really wanted to express his feelings, he abruptly changed thesubject. Mostintercultural marriages described by Ma and Kelsky were not permanentlysuccessful. Both were teaching English in Japan, but their romance did notbegin until they met again in Britain. The Modern Madame Butterfly: Fantasy and Reality in Japanese Cross-Cultural Relationships. . The more serious a relationship is, the more important it isto communicate well. That is, it was"easier to tell [or] express your emotion more precisely" when shecommunicated in Japanese to Japanese (Trans. 146-174.Ma, K. She believed her lover came to "stop[] liking my 'Japanese-ness.'"However, in the interview she repeatedly returned to the subject of herlimited English skills. A US man who dated a Japanese womansaid they used Japanese and English in about equal parts. Result: a failure of romance, afailure of marriage. She says that these critics fearyellow cabs' independence. . I mean you cannot go out with a person from a different country only because you have akogare (longing/yearning) (Trans. Hereported that dating the American girl was different from dating a Japanesegirl because of similarity of customs and culture with Japanese girls.However, he also referred to differences because when he "could speak in mynative language, I can express my feelings easily, more straight" (Trans.#28, 2 2). That is because communication became more serious with time. Rutland, Vermont: Charles E Tuttle Co. #39, 2 2). (1996). It seems that the challenge of language barriers is not easy topredict in intercultural relationships. Experts such as Maand Kelsky describe intercultural romances in terms of social commentary.Ma cites the stereotype of the Western dominant man in search of thesubmissive Asian woman (Ma, 1996a). Kelsky describes the lurid image of theso-called "yellow cabs," the name given to affluent young Japanese womenwho are criticized by mainstream Japanese culture because they travel theworld in search of gaijin, or non-Japanese, lovers (1996, p. A young woman who dated an Americanexchange student described the accepting attitude of her family toward him.But it did not end in marriage. Also, this young man'sentire family was in the US at the time, socializing in the community. It is hard tocommunicate . I needed time to express my feelings, so when arguing, having a fight with Alex, English is her native language, and English is my second language. #37). Information in both the interviewscompiled for this research and in the work of Ma and Kelsky includescomments that show communication to be a key to the relationships. Western wives and Japanese husbands may fail to anticipate languageproblems in part because most Japanese husbands first meet their westernwives in the West. Emotional linkages between Japanese and westernlovers may be important. The Modern Madame Butterfly: Fantasy and Reality in Japanese Cross-Cultural Relationships. Transcript #39 is an account by a Japanese woman of a romance with awestern man that came about because of language difference and languagesimilarity. Transcript #1 is anaccount of a 2 -year-old Japanese woman who became engaged to a Canadianman but who later dropped the engagement. However, it appears that such linkages can beharmed by limited communication skills. If you go out with an English speaker, you should know English at some level. #28, 2 2).She would use Japanese expressions of support when cheering him up after helost in sports, and he would answer in Japanese in such cases. . It is a tool of mutual helpand support. (1996b). The language issue is important because Ma also says that nonfluencyof western wives in Japanese is "a major stumbling block to making a betteradjustment to life in Japan" (Ma, 1996b, p. Failuresof communication help explain why both westerners and Japanese withdrawfrom intercultural romance. Infact, he was born in Panama. ReferencesKelsky, K. That resurfacedtoward the end of the interview, when he was asked about datingdifficulties between American and Japanese girls. This young man's relationship involved complex language issues. In fact, most of these women communicate with theirhusbands in English. . This approach shows the fundamental cultural role that languageplays in emotional experience and the reliance on the language of thoughtto accomplish the language of feeling. #1 , 2 2). This is a western way of thinking that I has to be yes or no (Trans. However, as a group they showthat language barriers can create barriers to romance. In other words, the young man was not in thecountry on his own as an exchange student. 231) reports that westernwomen who are most satisfied with their Japanese husbands say that theirhusbands are above average in many ways, especially in their Englishlanguage fluency. #28, 2 2). Speaking ingeneral terms, she also equated a "communications gap" with"dissatisfaction" in the relationship. She had the advantage, so that was in a way a difficulty going out with Alex, and again the culture difference, the different customs (Trans. They shared interests in movies and tennis. #39, 2 2). Personal communication, Japanese female, dating English man in England. (2 2). Language difficulty seems to have been one among many cultural issuesthat made the relationship go wrong. Only 1 % communicate solely in Japanese. Further, hestated that, had he married the American girl, his particular parents, whowere "eager to learn English," would not "force her into a Japanese role,or stereotypical housewife." On the other hand, he acknowledged thatJapanese in-laws expect western spouses to function in the Japaneselanguage. For example, she noted that in Japanese culture"you don't have to say everything on your mind to be understood. It may seem obvious that language is that "something." However,the evidence is that many of those who entered intercultural relationshipsseem to have been surprised to discover it as the relationship unfolded. Personal communication, American male, dating Japanese female in Japan.Transcript #37. #22,2 2). #28, 2 2). 173). It is the other way around for Western men who meetJapanese wives in Japan. . . There has to be something to support communicationwithin it. A closer look at the personal dynamics of suchrelationships may capture the content of individual experience. #37).In other words, even though feelings are important, they are not enough forsuccessful romance. (2 2). if you want to tell something in detail, especiallysomething really vague, it is really hard" (Trans. She continued: The language is important I think. Language is meant to help communication. Flirting with the foreign: Interracial sex in Japan's "international" age. The womandescribed her romantic breakup in terms of culture, as well as the factthat she always had more money than he did (shades of yellow cab). . If you don't know English at all, it would be very hard or almost impossible. You see, I could not speak English as good as him and I was not educated in a way to develop my own logic to prove what I said. Kelskycriticizes the critics of yellow cabs. New York: Morrow.Transcript #1 . Chapel Hill: Duke University Press.173-192.Ma, K. . It explores how language functions to affect, for good orill, the shape and outcome of cross-cultural dating. . The point is that both Kelsky and Ma are mainly interested in "macro"social criticism. (2 2). 226-251.Tannen, D. Yes, language was a big thing. Personal communication, Japanese female, 2 years old, dating Canadian man.Transcript #22. When asked to describe the relationship inretrospect, she replied, "Maybe language is the problem. This research examines the role of language in cross-cultural romanticrelationships. .

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